And allison says i never post any more....posted Sep 7th 2006, 3:01AM
Mood: About to EXPLODE!
Music: complet silence
HAVE FUN THE SPELLING MAKES IT ALMOST IMPOSABLE TO READ
Why do i feel thsi way..the things i say and do now cause pain to people i care for. Life is hard right now..it's a stupid hard not like anyones die or any things..i jsut feel like cuddling i jsut feel like i need to be wanted. and as soon as that go's away i feel sad and sick. is there something wrong with me? I don't even know any more..thsi is the frist tiem in a few mounths that i have typed any thing. maybe thats why. or is it just cause I'm stressed. i want things i can't have yet. don't i just want them because i can't have them. or is it because i think it would make me feel better? I have of this moment desided not to sleep tonight un till i can find out what is it thats making methis way. I have love..which is good i have freiend i have the lord. now what do i do when I'm un happy...how did i use to do it when i was unhappy. i could always make my slef smile. i can't do that any more. have i gotten weaker..? do i simply relay on others to make me happy. i think i do. i don't want that..i wnat to be able to smile at the things that i do and the things that i see in life that are beautiful. I don't want to simply cry all the time. I don't want to feel sick any more. I'm happy with school I love Mtich and i have very good friend God is in there as well to. Maybe not as much as he should be. I need to work on that. its hard you know cuas Mtich doesn't really knowyou like i do...or did. I want to get to know you more again but i don't really know how. I'm nto a read the bible kind of person. I don't like to read..it hurts my head and i don't think i can see as wel las i use to. maybe thats why. I'm doing this to get everything out of my head. all the things i tell my self that are lyied and the thigns that i think are true how i feel at this moment about the world i have enter. Collage is good it's a bit scary because people think I'm older then i am it makes me feel kind of small when they act supired. i shouldn't be. i miss Mitch and I feel bad right now cause i think i hurt Warren. I care for him a lot....and i feel stupid for saying what was true. i tend to say the truth to harshly so times..i for get he's so sencitave. maybe he just loged off cause something happened..but i don't think so..maybe..i don't know part of me has desided to keep my fingers moving til lthey bun jsut to get every thign that has been sitting in her for the past 6-8 mouthns i'v lost track. when ever Cel was started thats the last tiem i did any thing like this..i don't mean to hurt people..and i feel stupid about crying when Mtich go;s i feel stupid for fightign with everyone i have in the last 6 months cause thats not me. I was the peace maker..i know why i fight with angie...because she was leaving i still have really said that i miss her. i should...there i did...that helped a bit. i kind of felt like i'v been hit my a bull horns first..or been spalted to the pavment by my bar again. I don't really have a clue what I'm doing half the time but i tend to act like i do..thats stupid i hate people how do that.. So at theis moment i hate my self. I want to vishan and be reborn better but not death. i haven't had a dream in a long tiem either the last one i had was the one i woke up cryign in. I hate crying but i know it's a good thing but i feel weak when i do it. in side of my self right at this moment is...a little girl how keeps screaming like I'm doing something wrong. it makes my whole body go numb. its cold in my room right nwo the fans on high as it can go. i should really read that guys script before tomorrow....but I'm tried. but my body doesn't wnat to sleep because it knows it has to get up and do it again the next morning. the next morning .....its been raining everymorning and i'mg gettign sick of it..every day the sky gos black and cristal water falls. its beautiful but enough already i want my golden shining sunlight that makes my day happy. The rain calms me sometimes but this jsut sucks...it like hours and hours of it so hard i cna't even swing. swings getting harder it like my brians out fo gas or something may by doing this it will help. i can't really thing of any thing right now not yet..i feel people flaotign i nmy head now reawakinging...the speeling in this must be unlagdable..that word for sure. its almost a full pages maybe i should start a new book lets see wheat else do i feel right now. I'm nto realyl asad any more i can feel my body starting to heat up agian like it did before. it feels good. its warm and cloudy like. I'm not really sure how to tell you what it feels like. its like eatting a muffin right out of the oven when its just warm nto so that it burns your tounge off. how do i feel a bout sex maybe oct. sex wow its one of those things i want badly but i don't really need. i don't kneed it at all. not till later so why am i lettign my self get in to it i don't think we'll do it..well have portection of crose but....i like my self how i am right at this moment. warm and fuzzy kind of. the creative gras in my brai nare moving..graes that intrestion not to long again my body tried to restartthe black graes and it took me for ever to find it lets see if i can rember the story line..first the dudes name would be good...thinks a moment its starts with an o SO LETS JUST SAY MISTER O...AH hell i don't rember if i looked at ti i could Cels been around a lot to. and its really not warren's fault i shouldn't have growled at him...i wish he would sign back on so i can say sorry to him. this is how I'm finding my self right now ...lets se. i lvoe you mitch thats a good one. hes so handsom and kind of rugged but hes really really frecking clean 0o funny. i know but i lvoe him because he's gently most of the time he has his day when he's tryign to take over the world but hey thats ok i have days like that to. well somedays are like that alll the time and others just a bit of the day is like this. i wondoer if I'll dream tinight..would i dream happy dreams or one that would amkae m cry again. i don't like waking up crying i think thats how my bad mood started..I'm gettign light head and my fingers are starting to hurt a bit but I'm going ot keep going till tis all gone and out. laura...is a great person but i'v been nasty to here lately i tend to poke at her because she frecks out i talked toh ere bout it but didn't really say oh wow I'm so stupid for doing like that....i should there i do. you knwo peridos and commens are handly little things. hey Warren thanks by the way for smacking me up side the head a few good tme. if i hurt you or if i didn't the fact that you logged off right after i said somethign stupid to you got mye to thing. what else...shes a very good friend of mine also I'm wondoring what new firned I'm going to make or if i should do that film thingy... i think i should but not to spena to much time on it..because of testas and shit..i think I'm only take three classes next semester.. My shouers starting to hurt. so i keep miving around a lot more... my watch looks funny and girly. reveta..theres some on i'v been kind of acting like she rough and lud and rude most of the time.....I'm going to say sorry the niext tiem i see arren and maybe show him all of this shit...cause thats what it is shit..stupid thing i'v kept bottled cause I'm to weak to show them..but you know what...here we go I'm going to show then to the WORLD!! Shezzyart where we come.....there a ton more right nwo but at this smoment my brains feels new again its not thorbbing or screamign at me i fellt warn in side..so lets end it with al lthe peopel i love. Mitch Warren allison Laura angie Key sam mom dad.....my neopets...lol i yawned just now i must be gettign sleep. thanks everyone for putting up with me....I'm sorry if I'm being a bitch latly..this should help a lot...I've been frecking otu of nothing cause I'm crazy....i should draw a pic..oh i know I'll scan and post that one of me and mitch and war...weeeeee...good night everyone....almost threes pages of compltly and totle shit of life....woot hot danm i feel soo much better not . i need to do this and I'm glad someone was like LOOK or at least my head kind of took it that way...thanks again....oh hell i wnat three pages liets se...my fav. color is organe as of now...i don't like blueberry. don't really know why I'm schaking like a leaf because of the fan thats on hight....and um...i don't' know silent night holy night all is calm all is broight riund yah virgan mother and child holy infent so tend and mild sleep in heavlynly peace sleep in healvenly peace.....nto bad huh i know all the owrsd to that part any way..i thin kthas the only part god this speeling sucks.... oh look i misspelled spelling. this how you know I'm not looking at my computer screen when i type..oh look page three !! ^^ happy now good nigt world of joy.
EL! aim is taking forever to download and set up :(
these are the directions:
http://www.mapquest.com/directions/main.adp?go=1&do=nw&rmm=1&un=m&qc=Colleges %26 Universities&cl=EN&qq=21LTZ%252flnQEMLoETzCt6wAXd4MrgGxtAtS7s043QeRKOPc8xLCFc3ka8bxDdVmgd9QahvpCLLE8RiRKuXxKclFJ%252bH7Mx2SNfEIqpMmk75dVSLc0bi9aheAnUM6ewxC0XSxsYuMBOcGh7q3QjWQ4PurRIZUDiZZ3Z8Hl4K2FjvDXABKNvo6UIfRpAqkEn3E2CBEgChyTLJ%252f9I1yepQiZw9I7F%252blmLgzr8VIszHebF0Oi8HhOumM7prjfROnpNmjeE%252bdI4i%252b5kVb3B%252bb58jOTXMJS0tFQGtITjCG3faxD4fyJn15pyJbXP%252bFrDsuKwNua1iTT2OC3eMB4kRZ1Ey3%252fOTeplcTVChpCX0%252bkOWpGF86Bn%252fOUQ9HpjpLsy%252b4qyUhSCfFrAZTO2aUgMVrn9Omsw4%252by2VW8bUma1W8YmAft1UW1y4pP8Zcg9t1HIeVOWZlXIwgBezqya%252bXnY0%252fA5AqCtnz5EEbD2s88f0JzNeKY4Pg%253d&ct=NA&q=Johnson %26 Whales North Miami Campus&rsres=1&1y=US&1ffi=&1l=&1g=&1pl=&1v=&1n=&1pn=&1a=255 springs av&1c=Miami Springs&1s=Fl&1z=33166&panelbtn=1&2y=US&2ffi=1&2l=0atJ%252b4W1N5r3iev4ZPkE7Q%253d%253d&2g=N45vOSCNt%252biHghMfFAxMjQ%253d%253d&2pl=305-892-7000&2v=ADDRESS&2n=&2pn=Johnson %26 Wales University&2a=1701 NE 127th St&2c=North Miami&2s=FL&2z=33181
I HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE SLEEPOVER *glomp* iv been going on aim to see if you were there but i guess i have bad timeing i miss you!!! ill be posting a pic about your suprise soon *giggle*
is ust the page tiger and i introduced ourselves on anddd
http://geekfangirl.proboards104.com/index.cgi?board=charvault&action=display&thread=1157133231 is Ryan's plot for the rp. if your intrested just post there MUAH!!
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god this speeling sucks.... oh look i misspelled spelling. this how you know I'm not looking at my computer screen when i type..oh look page three !! ^^ happy now good nigt world of joy.
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